Featured Article
In Issue 4, Vol 99, pages 24 - 25 of The Gargoyle, the text is unreadable. It is presented here, for your full enjoyment
From the Desk of Snoop Dogg
Dear Girls Gone Wild Board of Directors,
As many of you are no doubt aware, our company has fallen on hard times in recent years. Hundreds of smaller, low-budget companies have begun to copy our Bitch-on-the-street approach to adult material and have eaten our profit margins.
In 2002, I revolutionized our company and the pornography industry with my immensely successful “Doggy Style” videos. With our looming financial problems, I have returned now with an outline for a new series of videos which I think will save us from the brink of certain disaster.
Premise: Obviously plot, storylines, acting and production values only matter to women, not our target audience. It is my belief that pornographic videos that feature a social message will find a niche.
Film Ideas:
Title: UN of Love
John Negroponte, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, and several others will headline this film. In it, we will feature hundreds of naked women of all races, creeds and colors. Our goal will be to demonstrate that there are no boundaries to hotness.
Title: Quit Eatin’ Pie
In this reality-show type film, I will work with a number of overweight women and a personal trainer to help them loose weight and change their unhealthy lifestyles. The women will then take off their clothes and make out with each other.
Title: Wife of a Wife
I play a conservative senator in the deep south. Two hot ladies come in and tell me what they want to get married. I tell them that it’s wrong and I can’t allow it. They’re really sad, and start making out with each other. I realize that they are truly in love as they start to fondle and undress each other. My character realizes the error of his ways, decides to embrace gay marriage. The hot women are so moved that they both have sex with me while an opera singer performs the Star Spangled Banner.
Title: Freedom
A hot lady liberty is all alone. I start to make out with her, show her titties and she pushes me away. She says that she can’t, and then reveals a thong that with the words “INTOLERANCE” written across it. I rip that off, symbolically freeing American liberty from it’s history and then have some pretty good sex. All dialog should be in verse.
Title: Stand Up, and Get Down
I play a man that does not support stem cell research. On the subway, I meet a totally hot woman who is sitting and I start talking to her. She gives me her number and we start making out. Her tits will be shown at this part of the film. The subway stops, and everyone has to get up and it becomes obvious that she is paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheel chair. In the next scene, I learn that only stem cells can make her sexable. I realize that stem cell research is OK and help the woman get some stem cells to make her not paralyzed. I will then have sex with her.
(This film has enough story elements that it could be marketed towards women. GGW should push for a theatrical release)
Title: (some kind of pun about Iraq and things being wrecked, leave it to marketing)
Through a series of documentary-style interviews with such leading Iraq scholars and US leaders, I highlight many of the issues surrounding the invasion and occupation. I believe that I can show that the Iraq war is very complex, and not as clear-cut as pundits would have you believe. I also hope to correct misconceptions about Iraq and Islam in this film. At the end, I will have sex with one or more women.
Some possible marketing programs to accompany the films:
- Tour the films at art theatres. I’ll be available to do a Q/A with the audience
- Create a series of study guides for a University of Pheonix current events course centered around the films. (University of Pheonix already on board)
- Form clubs of men who can watch and discuss the videos together. Like book clubs. Except with porno.
Word,
-Snoop Dogg